If you’ve been following along with the things I’ve been blogging about, you will know that yesterday I gave my mother a letter that outlined everything I have been feeling about my past with her and the things she has lied or kept from me. While these have been weighing on my for 12+ years, I always felt it was something I’d never bring up to her. But I needed to get past that because it was hurting my personal relationship with myself and my wife.
Today is the day after I gave her the letter and I still have not heard anything from her. I have not had a phone call and I’m wondering if I ever will. How I’m feeling is actually quite uplifting. I feel for the first time in my life, I have gained mental control back in myself and reclaimed my feeling of value. Now I always had a sense of value for myself, but it wasn’t exactly 100%.
Part of this process for me to get to where I want to be, I have set other goals as well. To stop working at 5:00 each day and spend the rest of the time doing the things I want to do. Reading, working in the yard, walking my dogs. I also get up at 6:00 in the morning and go for a walk/run. This has allowed me the opportunity to get in better shape and health.
My ultimate goal is to be a father (nothing will ever trump that), but to be the father I want to be, I have to be healthy so that I’m around a long time for my son/daughter (or both).
I don’t know what each day will bring, I only know what I’m feeling at this point in time and I’m optimistic about my growth and development as a man, I just hope it’s easy for others to see as well.
Talk again soon, it’s finally a sunny day and I want to go trim some grass.